Breathe...

I talk to God often.  I mean like multiple times a day.  He's like my live-in BFF.  We're giggling and discussing all sorts of mundane things and it's just the most amazing friendship/relationship ever.  Sometimes, I get all nutty on my beloved and I'm quietly like "I am going to kill him.  Just gut him and feed him to rabid chickens." And here's God "No girl. You are not.  You love that man more than your own life.  You are just talking crazy and I love you and your crazy... but you are not killing nobody. Let's get real here.  That's not you.  You know darn well after you give him attitude, you're going in the bathroom to quietly cry about how crazy you are and how he didn't deserve that stank you were tossing everywhere."

Then there are those times where the jokes and the sarcasm get put aside.  Like last night.  Y'all... my heart is tired of this journey.  It really is.  I've been far too strong for far too long and I sent up a notice that I need respite from it all today.  God knows I can push through anything if only He asks it of me.  I can block out visceral pain to get done what He asks of me because there is nothing I would deny Him just as there is nothing He would deny me.  So I asked not to take the hurt or sadness but to give me a lull in the chaos.  That is the key.  You don't ask for the lessons to stop.  You ask for a pause or a nice little cliffnote on what you're supposed to learn.  I did that and He gave it to me.

I had a bunch of legalities I needed to square away from my former state.  Y'all know that means tons of hold time, typically the runaround, "can't find your case in the system", request denied.... you know.  I needed my medical coverage closed out and transferred.  Lemme tell you... God provides all that I need.  The wait time was zero.  Literally, it did not even have a chance for the line to ring.  A rep answered the call immediately, sent me to the correct department.  My medical coverage was immediately found and transferred and I immediately received the documentation via email that would have normally took 10 business days to process and send.

You have to live with complete trust and submission to the will of Creation.  Live in harmony with your journey.  Accept the lessons, ask for the breaks when you need them.  Learn, grow, share.  Open your heart and mind to possibilities that are presented to you.  Seek His messages with openness.  Do not demand the answers be given in the manner you prefer because they usually aren't.  They are given in the ways you need at that very moment.  Don't assume to know things that you don't fully understand.  As much as I know... 13YEARS of ridiculous amounts of research... I know nothing.  I have ideas of theories, concepts and truths... enough to know that I know nothing.  Everyone is my teacher.  Everyone at some point will be His voice for me- to guide me, encourage me, fortify my heart and soul.

It's Friday.  You know what that means?  It means another opportunity for my working brothers and sisters to have a weekend to experience the love of Creation- to create love, be love, spread love.  Feed a stranger.  Hug someone in need.  Lord knows how many of us are hurting these days... feeling so utterly alone.  The timeline of events is accelerating.  We are in a lull before the poop hits the fan.  Use this time wisely to forge the bonds you will need during the darkest of times.  Use today wisely.  Use each breath wisely.  Being the person He wants you to be is as easy breathing... so JUST BREATHE.

Life is beautiful and so are you.